an epic dwarven journey into dorkdom...

yes. i am still here, alive and well, thank you. it's been a pretty busy month with some environment changes, self discovery, and the same ol' bs. that always runs around in circles... i've finally managed to return from my sabatical into the kingdom of dorkdom, and i have come to bring back treasures and loot and experience points to help the rest of you reach the highest levels of dorkdom as well... come and level up with me...

i've been a proud owner.. no wait.. creator and mentor of a dwarven priest on the world of warcraft (wow)... or for the less videogame inclined, he's my alter ego i choose to live out in a world of dragons, kings, queens, gold, and... nerds... i've ventured into the world of raiding (meaning i spend 2-4 hours in a virtual dungeon, with 30-40 of my other dor... errr, fellow honored guilds members, slaying monsters for virtual treasures abound that would make bill gates or larry page jealous..)

i've also made officer of our guild (ie. think online gang, like the bloods or crips, only rather than 45 gats i own a mystical staff that boosts my intelligence by 18), ergo, i'm responsible for helping organize guild events (raids, helping lower level members, teaching) and helping the priests in our guild excel at their job... yeah, i'm just that cool... oh, i forgot to mention.. typing in large raids just doesn't cut it... instead i dawn my crown (my mcdonalds drivethru-esque headset w/ microphone) and log onto Ventrilo (vent) or Teamspeak (TS) and communicate through vocal verbiage and ancilliary feedback..... (yes, a lot of them sound like your stereotypical dork)...

it's funny, because after killing some insanely hard monsters, you can't help yourself just to let out a "fuck yeah!" and rejoice in the feeling that you have just won the lottery, got that A on a test, gotten laid...

so now i document a journey into a typical raid experience, so that you may all gain the 1900 experience points needed....

level 10. (6:30 pm)
we all gather at said designated time and day and begin assembling our group of brave comrades that will join us unto horizons undiscovered and treasures beyond belief... ensuring everyone has said needed items (for them: lots of potions for in game health replenishment - for me: cold 12-pack ready in the fridge for health and any non-dorkdom dignity replenishment)

level 20. (7:00 pm)
designated time to start the raid... not everyone here yet and still getting said needed items... my first alex-potion started and finished...

level 24. (7:15 pm)
all meet up at the said dungeon we are going to explore and enable our needed communicae devices (vent or ts)... do a quick check to ensure everyone is on and is audible... every voice is a beautiful sonata that melds into a delicate melody that rings of victory... a quick braveheart-esque speech is given and we march forth..

level 20. (7:25 pm)
we're all dead and start running to revive ourselves since no one really knew what was going on... or someone "new" accidently runs into some monsters before anyone is really ready to start fighting... player gets scolded by having to complete 6 mental pushups (6 differential equations) before being let back into the raid... Alex starts life potions #2.

level 40. (8:00 pm)
first major boss in the raid is dead. emphatic cheers laced sounds of gleeful sobbing fill your earphones...

level 41 (8:01 pm)
grab a tissue to wipe up your tears and start your "victory" cigarette/beer #3 or whatever..

level 49 (8:10 pm)
loot is distributed randomly to players who need it.. i obtain a rare set of gloves for my character such that when other players see my gloves, they just know... that my penis is about 3 inches longer than theirs... Start beer #4 to celebrate my new loots..

level 52 (9:00 pm)
a female voice(s) is heard on TS/Vent... we all marvel at this mysterious exotic creature in our guild and ask it questions such as "i have a +23 Stamina sword.. would you like to see it?" I put on my newly acquired gloves and strut around in front of her character...

level 55 (9:15 pm)
start clearing and looting towards other bosses, enjoying beers 5,6,7,8,9... TS/Vent starts to become quite entertaining now... everyone else doesn't quite understand my order to "bo rattacks dat mun-star... yous magik bam bam on snakey snake..."

level 56 (9:25 pm)
someone's mom calls him to go eat dinner/take out trash/do dishes/take shower... we wait. alex enjoys beer 10... bathroom break is taken...

level 59 (11:00 pm)
3 more bosses are defeated and looted... i don't quite know what i am doing or saying...but we are done for tonight and will continue tomorrow... set time for tomorrow to repeat the process...

level 60 (11:15 pm)
teleport back to town.. talk about how cool that was when we defeated that dragon... i run around town showing of my new gloves, until i see someone with better gloves... then i run/hide and log off in shame, but still with a sense of pride of having slayed the 3rd dragon inside the dungeon... King Kong's got nothin' on me!

and that's the raiding experience... it's oddly addicting and quite fun... you actually meet people from all over the world in the game (we have this one english-bloke who is just hilarious...).. i've played with people from china who insist on trying to speak chinese (typing in pinying) to me, as i try to unsuccessfully type back in the little pinying i know back to them...

think what you will about my uberness... dork, priest, a king, your idol, or whatever... just know that there are millions of us... and we'll rise up against those that persecute against us.. (think the end of revenge of the nerds...)

/logoff