ugh....

holy shit... the last two days were filled with the utter joy shitting out my ass as well as out of my mouth... janelle and i both got something that i've never experienced before... this was far worst than that yellow plague i brought home to my roomates a many a times after i'd goto china or taiwan... this was death...

janelle ended up getting sick first early tuesday morning (around midnight-ish)... i was hoping that my super-turbo-asian-immune system would be able to fend off the beast, but the beast was much too strong... i woke up with a weary stomach, and decided to head off to work... i figured it was all psychological and partly sympathetic (since she seemed to be soo miserable)... when i arrived at work, i immediately started to feel ill...

i stayed for about an hour before deciding i needed to head home.... as i managed to make my way back home, almost stopping half-way for a quick detour-i-need-to-puke-on-the-side-of-the-road pitstop, i ran to the toilet... i sat down and prepared for my anal meltdown... instead of a meltdown, it was a flood... it was as if god had replaced my anus with a vagina, that was dispensing chocolate yahoo flavored drink (similar to limp bizkits chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water album)... i couldn't believe it.. i was pissing out my ass... what would be next? crapping out my mouth.... sonofabitch....

my stomach wasn't feeling to well either, and after laying down for a few hours.. it was time to reset... i was quickly reminded in taste, smell, and sight, with what i ate the night before... ahhh chunky style cream of mushroom soup... ahhh... fish.... ahhh wendy's triple burger... ahhh wendy's fries... ahhh wendy's chicken nuggets.... ahhh melted and curdled frosty.... ahhh pepsi (yes i do eat that much...)... about four power pukes later i was done... and feeling a little better... or so i thought..

over the rest of the day, i shit my pants about nine times (ran through almost all my clean boxers), puked about 4 more times, shit on the floor (the power of puke commanded me to open my anus and release all it's yahoo goodness...), and puked on the floor... by this time, i was so damn dehydrated, i had to keep trying to drink water... no dice... up it came... i eventually got to the point where i was puking up the same exact brown liquid that was coming out my ass... yes.. i was shitting out my mouth... it was horrible... the smell of the bile-laden-e-coli-shit smelling liquid that was coming out my ass, was the exact taste and smell coming out of my mouth...

i was sore and aching so i wasn't able to sleep, but just lay there praying i don't shit or puke myself again... i finally stopped and was able to actually lay a "dry" fart about 9pm that night... i was thrilled (as i was running very short on boxers)... if anything good came out of this.. i lost about 6 lbs. in a day, i learned that powerade tastes the same going down as coming up, and i learned that there is something more to fear than the yellow plague...

we are both glad though this came before new years eve and our trip to aruba... so now it should be smooth sailing... saturday... party/drink/eat.. sunday/monday rest... friday aruba...

let's see what we can bring back from aruba now....