if i lay here.. if i just lay here...

we'll do it all.. everything... on our own...
we don't need.. anything.... or anyone.....

life is full of these choices.... so cliche, but yet so true... why is it, that it always seems there are choices that force you to hold a double edged sword? which ever one you pick, you're cut.... but i suppose that's living?

life always seems to present itself with these choices... and in the end, the path chosen is the path that cuts you the least, or heals the quickest..... I've always been weak at choosing... at saying no.. or saying this is what i want... no's always seem to turn to maybes, (which we all know is bullshit for being a nice way of saying no), but i can never seem to just say no....

this is where the split of choices always seems to cut me.... i've never asked to be put in this position... maybe i'm just weak... constants just aren't so constant anymore... i feel that saying 'no' is letting someone down (which in most cases, it could be the truth, at least from my point of view... or it's just some self-centered bullshit)... i hate being put in this position... this isn't all i can do.. and no need to sort it all out... why does it seem like at anytime there is an important decision to be made, there is always a fork in the road and both paths lead nowhere?

the cuts i choose to take are those that i feel like that would heal the quickest.. the ones who would understand, the ones who would be willing to listen and forgive... or at least those who i think would be easiest to repair... it seems too much that i have to choose to fall on my own sword, because that is the only choice... or what both choices lead me to...

at the same time it seems foolish that i have to explain myself... but like a movie, the plans need to be explained, coherent, and agreed to... so to those who have been disappointed, or left out, or neglected, i apologize... i took the least superficial slice and figured that it would be easiest to ask forgiveness from you than the other... it may sound absurd.... but it's sincere... i'm choosing to fall on the shortest sword available... or the one that isn't as sharp as the other, because it doesn't need to be...

believe me... if i could split myself in two, or three, or four, I would... i'm sure everyone or anyone would do the same.... so if i seem to cut you, believe me.. i'm cutting myself twice as deep... i chose your blade because i know that your cut would heal the quickest... when there's no good answer.. or no new questions.. it's just another personal disaster... with one hand high... i'll show you my progress.... and maybe no one cares... but myself... in anycase. i hate it....

i fall on my own sword and if i push you onto my sword.. forgive me... i know you'll heal.. and that you'll heal me...